That moment when you close the door in an Uber, Bolt, or DiDi and think: don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it... and then you do! The moment of reckoning in the back of a ride when your words take a wrong turn. Here’s a list of things we should stop saying to our drivers.
- Please don’t kidnap me!
With everything you have heard on the news and seen online, you could be forgiven for asking your assumed assailant not to go ahead with the plan to abduct you. Although this is always said in both jest and earnest, it is probably received in the same way. To ensure your safety, use all the safety aspects at your disposal, including:
- Tapping the emergency button for help
- Sharing trip details with friends and family
- 24/7 customer support.
- Can I take off my mask?
Of course, you can! Why don’t you just ask to sneeze in the driver’s face while at it?
- Please drive on the yellow lane.
You always scold people for crossing the not-so-shimmering Bifrost bridge (the yellow line) to drive in the emergency lane until you are running late in the back of a taxi. In that case, you always find a way to convince yourself that your predicament is an emergency. You can never resist the urge to ask your driver to hit the yellow lane.
- The other drivers let me do it!
Why don’t you ask to be let off, so you can request those drivers? It’s easy to forget that most of these drivers use their vehicles and have their own rules for what is allowed and not allowed in their cars. Mutual respect goes a long way, even on a short trip.
- Do you mind stopping by the liquor store?
You’ll only be a minute; you say - just a quick in and out. At this point, your moral compass is but a small voice at the back of your subconscious. Your ‘I need a night cap’ voice has shuffled its way to the front and centre of your thought box. You fail to understand that what may seem convenient for you is a great inconvenience for your driver. Your liquor detour could cost them money and time.
- Careful on those turns!
This might be one of the more challenging impulses to curb! Whenever a human being is in a moving death machine that they are not in control of – they will exact a measure of control by slamming their foot on the imaginary brake or shifting their hand closer to the emergency brake. We understand this impulse, but where possible – always give your driver the right of way to do their job.
- Let’s do this again tomorrow, except with wine and cosier seats.
If you’ve seen the Transporter, you know the three unbreakable rules: Never change the deal, no names, and never look at the package! The driver may be your type, but that is not to say their warm smile and kind words are a sure sign that they are feeling the vibes you’re sending out. So, no, it’s never a great idea to flirt with the driver.
- I’ll give you a bad review.
Look at you! Master of the universe, vanquisher of stellar reputations, and all-round royal pain in the neck! What you fail to realise is that drivers can rate you too. If you build enough of a bad rep, e-hailing services can deny you access to their drivers, and you could find yourself stuck with your bad attitude.
- I know a better/faster way.
Okay, Jan Van Riebeeck! You great navigator! Sure, some drivers may purposefully elect to take the long way around just so they can charge you a bit more for the trip, but not all drivers are taking you for a ride. Sometimes it’s just the algorithm cross-referencing current traffic situations and historical traffic patterns to determine the best route, so use your best discretion with this one.
- I’ll be out in five.
We all know that I’ll be out in 5 is the equivalent of “I’m just around the corner” when you are waiting for that special someone who’s bringing you and your ravenous stomach something to rumble with your grumble. The problem is, they’re never really just around the corner, and your 5 minutes are most likely closer to 10.